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The Daily Telegraph in Cockney

I have just discovered a strange, subversive sub-genre of internet translation engines, all of which allow you to translate from ‘standard’ English into a range of different accents or dialects. If you have something important you should be doing, I strongly advise you to read no further.

The dialectizer (http://rinkworks.com/dialect/ ) offers a number of options. One of them is ‘redneck’, a rather pejorative term for people from the rural South of the USA – think Deliverance or William Faulkner. Here is their version of the first sentence of Don Quixote: In a village of La Mancha, th’ name of which ah doesn’t be hankerin’ t’recall, not long ago thar lived a juntleman of them who haf a lance in th’ rack, an ancient shield, a wo’n-out houn’dog an’ a greyhoun’ fo’ runnin’...

Another of the ‘dialects’ it translates into is ‘hacker’, which recreates the style of internet users who don’t pay too much attention to detail: in a villaGe of la manchaa, thE Name of which i don’t wanrt t0 recall, not long ago there livEd a Gentleman o th0se whp have a lance in teh raXX0r, an anceint sheild,a wron-out hrose a||d a greyHou||d for runniing!!!!!!!1~~~~~~

And finally, my personal favourite, Elmer Fudd, Bugs Bunny’s nemesis: In a viwwage of Wa Mancha, the name of which I don’t want to wecaww, not wong ago thewe wived a gentweman of those who have a wance in the wack, an ancient shiewd, a wown-out howse and a gweyhound fow wunning.

Other sites let you ‘translate’ entire web pages. Courtesy of The Universal Translator at http://www.psyclops.com/translator/, I have just read today’s Daily Telegraph in Cockney Rhyming slang. Now, via Valley URL (http://www.80s.com/Entertainment/ValleyURL/) I am going to read The Guardian as if it was written by Alicia Silverstone in Clueless

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